HTFU (Website)

Welcome to

HTFU

Heather the F Up

a learning place to change your life

Alright, listen up, y'all.

me, vibing on a boat, because i have achieved HTFU

I've been down that rabbit hole of supposed wisdom, the kind that promises to unlock the secrets of the universe. But let's be real - you gotta question everything, especially those sources of your so-called enlightenment.

Not every guru spouting cosmic truths has your best interests at heart.

In fact, most of ‘em don’t really give a shit about anything but themselves.

I reject the notion of any man telling me what to do. And I’ll be gah damned if I’ll take any advice from someone who ate only hot dogs for like six months and had a lost-my-virginity-party.

WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME INSTEAD OF OTHER ONLINE GURUS

1. I have never eaten only hot dogs for 6 weeks in a row.

2. When I lost my virginity, I threw the condom over the side of a bridge to hide the evidence and told people on an as-needed basis like a reasonable person.

There was no party or t-shirts involved.

3. I am cringey but self-aware.

4. I have never used the term “honey badger” in earnest.

5. I am not a raging misogynist who adheres to outmoded expressions of gender identity and gender roles in relationships. Just do what you want so long as you ain’t hurting anybody.

6. The only material items I flaunt are my many pairs of Crocs.

That’s why I have created this website.

I am offering you the chance to follow my teachings and

Heather the F--- Up.

I don’t have all the answers, but if you’re looking for a little guidance wrapped up in eight short lessons all for the low, low price of $0,000,

you’ve come to the right place.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! Why is it $0,000?

First of all, I am not qualified to be giving you life advice.

Therefore, the price is commensurate with value.

More importantly, 0000 is an Angel Number.

The Angel Number 0000 represents the essence of divine creation. According to the first search result when I googled it, it means:

“Embracing Infinite Possibilities.”

That’s what you’re doing today -

embracing the infinite possibilities

within yourself.

Your learnin’ starts now.

You can have your life be like mine too.

lesson

one

Knowledge is power, my friend.

Arm yourself with a broad base of it.

Life's gonna throw some curveballs your way, and you'll need more than vague platitudes to handle 'em.

The more you know, the better equipped you are to navigate this chaotic carnival.

I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it.

Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent.

Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.

Arthur Conan Doyle, A Study in Scarlet

Lesson

two

Don't go it alone. Lean on your community.

And if you don't have one,

you gotta build one.

Seek out like-minded souls in your neighborhood or, hey, find you somebody on the vast expanse of the internet.

Shoveling shit’s a lot easier when you’ve got somebody worthwhile by your side.

Orcas Are Learning Terrifying New Behaviors

Like the orcas, we should strive to work together with our pod, destroy harmful things together, and learn new, terrifying skills to grow our powers so that an international

widespread panic ensues.

lesson

three

Control is an illusion; surrender to the cosmic chaos.

They pointed a very fancy telescope toward space and, among other things, captured the formation pictured here.

A question mark.

Scientists believe that it’s two galaxies merging,

the same way the Milky Way was formed.

It also feels like a hell of a message -

not from aliens, but from existence.

Nobody knows for sure how we got here.

None of us are getting out of here alive.

Might as well try to take it easy when we can and have a laugh along the way.

Lesson

four

Do your best every day,

but cut yourself some slack. Your best will vary, depending on the day and the resources at your disposal.

Give yourself the same patience and grace you’d give to a kid asking you for help.

When you’re doing pretty good and you've got enough for yourself and maybe a little extra to spare, share it with somebody who needs it.

If we all pitch in, nobody goes hungry.

Lesson

five

We don't know jack about a lot of things. We've barely scratched the surface of Earth's oceans, let alone space. Let's keep the place nice because right now, we’ve got nowhere else* to go.

We’ve been given paradise to live in. I think about that every day. We’ve been looking out of telescopes for 300 years. We’ve been sending probes out into space and we’ve never seen anything as beautiful as what we see when we walk out the front door.

Al Bean, Apollo 12 Astronaut and Artist

Painting: “The Fantasy” 1992

*Elon Musk predicts travel to Mars will be available by 2029 but Lesson Five (a) is never go anywhere with Elon Musk.

Six

Lesson

If some long-haired weasel and their vacant-eyed sidekick try to charge you a fortune for the secret to true love, tell 'em where to shove it.

Love doesn’t cost tens of thousands of dollars.

According to experts,

love don’t cost a thing.

seven

Lesson

Don’t forget, if you've been

bamboozled by a predator,

it's not your fault.

Snake’s are gonna snake.

Eliminate the threat, tend your wounds,

and learn from the pain.

When we know better, we do better.

Lesson

eight

If someone tries to make you feel lesser-than, remember:

their opinion ain’t shit.

YOU define you.

So long as you’re not hurtin’ anybody, brush off the negativity and keep doing your thing.

Remember what The Dude says.

Yeah? Well, you know, that's just like uh, your opinion, man.

final thoughts

Life's full of seemingly insurmountable challenges. You’ll face mountains you feel like you can’t climb.

That's cool; be the wind instead.

Find creative solutions to work around those challenges.

We’ve all got a part to play in making this world safer, kinder, and a better place to live. Don’t feel like you have to fix everything yourself. Find your role. Play it well.

Encourage others to do the same.

And always remember...